


Over the Hill

by lindsaybd



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But Still Kinda There, Depressed Magnus Bane, Hopeful Ending, I started this in may, Immortal Alec Lightwood, Immortal Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Malec, Open Ending, OverTheHill- Wax//wane, Requited Love, Songfic, Title from a Sleeping At Last Song, hinted - Freeform, inspired by a song, it’s brief, sleeping at last, straight up, this took so long to write, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26467084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsaybd/pseuds/lindsaybd
Summary: I see death cresting over the hillComing over that hillAnd I dont know what to doWhen it comes for youShould I shut him out?Try and bar the doorMakin fools of all who’ve gone beforeShould I let him in like an old friendKnowing it’s inevitable?Every step, every move I see death coming after you.Magnus is immortal, Alec isnt. Magnus has to find a way to deal with that.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Kudos: 12





	Over the Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Brief suicide attempt warning. It’s not graphic. It’s only like three paragraphs.

Magnus didn't have much of a relationship with death, why would he? As an immortal after all, it would make sense. The relationship he did have with death, however, was forged through pain and heartbreak. He never suffered more than through death's cold clutches. 

As an immortal lover of mortals, he doomed himself. Time and time again, he loved and lost and suffered for it. He loved too freely, said other warlocks. A lothario said the people who barely knew him. The people who didn't want to know him. 

He gave his heart to people that didn't even deserve it, not in the least. They used him, manipulated his heart. Made him cold, made him resist the never-ending call inside him that longed and begged for one thing: 

Love.

All Magnus Bane wanted was to love hard and be loved equally. Deeply, intimately, perfectly. The deep-seated desire to just love. To endlessly prove himself worthy of any semblance of feeling. To lose himself in another. To feel even the illusion of love. Anything. 

Immortals never understood his desire. Only sought him out for the awe-inspiring and magnificent power Magnus could wield. Only sought him out in desire of what they could gain from him, then be rid of him when they were done. 

When the need inside him was fulfilled, satisfied with the love Magnus had, it never lasted long. Mortals did tend to, well, be mortal after all.   
And when death came in the night, to steal his love and crush his soul, Magnus wept. For his lost lover. For the life they could have lived. For the love they shared. 

After the gut-wrenching heartbreak was done, the desire again filled his heart and mind. The command his soul had given him time and time again demanded to be satisfied.

And Magnus had no choice but to listen. 

The few times his heart grew cold and hard, when not even the love he shared with friends was willing to be left on his sleeve, were the worst days of his long life. 

Then his Alexander came along, and he was the star that lit up Magnus' sky. Oh, Magnus did love Alec. Loved Alec with every fibre of his being. Feared for the day his mortality would catch up with him. Shadowhunters love once, Alec once told him. Once, but fiercely, and with everything they have. This was finally what Magnus wanted, what Magnus craved. 

Most days Magnus managed to ignore it. The small voice in the back of his mind that reminded him, as it always did with his mortal lovers, that his time was running out. And other days, Magnus could practically see death behind his Alexander, like a shadow always following close behind, waiting for his opportunity to strike. 

He never wanted any of his lovers to die, of course, he didn't. But with Alec, things were different. Down to his very bones, the idea of Alec one day not being there terrified him. 

Such an innate natural thing fear was, but not for Magnus. He was never scared and laughed death in the face. Until Alec. 

Magnus hated death. Death thought this was fair. Death hoped, when the time came for Magnus to shed his mortal life, that he would be content with it. That when death came to embrace him in the warmth of his touch, Magnus would accept his hand and they would go to the afterlife, whatever that entailed, together. Hand in hand as he was with life for so long. Death would lead him to peace. 

But Death also knew if Alexander was still alive that he would have a difficult time with getting Magnus to accept his fate. Alexander was his light. He was someone before he'd met him-of course he was-but his life changed after they'd met. 

Suddenly shadowhunters weren't so bad after all, and the normal sour taste the runic magic left on his tongue after a tiresome battle with one of the angel's children now left a sweeter taste. 

Akin to only a glass of fine wine, just a perfect balance of sweetness and bitterness. It made his skin tingle, like cold fingertips caressing his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Like adrenaline pumping in his veins, pure energy crackling at his fingers. So comparable to his own magic, yet not. Magnus' magic felt like home. His magic did feel like pure energy flowing through him, oh yes it did. But the taste left on his tongue after what was bound to be a very powerful display was completely different. 

If angelic magic was sweet then his magic was smokey. Similar to that of a bonfire hours after it'd burnt out, the taste of it as it lingered on his skin. The way it stuck to any fabric no matter how hard Magnus tried to keep it off. The way it sometimes seemed to saturate even his soul. His magic was beyond descriptors to him. 

No matter how hard Magnus seemed to try, he just couldn't get it right. Love. He'd fall in love, only to be crushed in the end. Before Alec, he was ready to give up. Ready to let himself fade as many warlocks had before him. Ready to embrace whatever came next, to finally know what it felt like to die. 

Death knew it wasn't his time, yet. Knew there was more to come for Magnus. So, as much as Magnus wanted to die, wanted peace, death wouldn't comply.  
And when Magnus decided to go to that bridge in the middle of a cold rainy night, Death followed. He sat beside Magnus as he wept. 

Then when Magnus stood, ready to jump, ready to rid himself of his immortal life, death spoke. 

"No." As soft as the breeze, barely even there. So soft, it could've been mistaken for leaves in the trees brushing together. But Magnus heard it. His chin quivered in the dark as he looked at the rushing water below. The water held promise, a promise of peace, of no more pain and suffering. One where death could no longer reach his heart.

But life promised more.

Magnus turned to look at where Death was stood beside him, almost as if he could sense where he stood. He looked back at the water, a slow tear falling down his cheek. "Why?" He whispered out loud, hands shaking at his side in the cold. "Why?!" He shouted. 

"Magnus!" A shrill voice exclaimed. And as Magnus turned to look at the person shouting at him, his long jacket blowing behind him in the wind, death disappeared in his shadow, leaving Magnus alone with his covetous lover. 

Magnus knew Alec was never meant to be an immortal. The angel's children never were. They had one duty in life above all else, and if doing their duty meant losing their lives, well, then it was a worthy sacrifice to a never-ending cause. 

It surely didn't stop Magnus from trying, though. On the hours he could (without making Alec suspicious, of course), he would search through his relevant spellbooks, for anything that might give him and Alec even a small chance at forever together. But it seemed that even now Magnus could not escape death's clutches. Rather, Alexander couldn't escape death. 

Hell, he'd even asked some close friends if they'd ever heard of a shadowhunter becoming immortal. They smiled sadly at Magnus but had shaken their heads no.

He wasn't just going to give up, no. He would never give up. Until Alec breathed his last mortal breath, he wouldn't stop searching for an answer.

Because after all this time, Magnus finally found what he wanted. What he deep down to his very bones, needed. Someone who understood him through and through, knew all of him, all of his fears, all of his sins, and still loved him anyway. Someone who saw past all of his flaws saw past just his power and demon blood. 

He had an all-encompassing, true requited love, and he wasn't going to just let that go. He would fight, fight until the day death finally came to his claim, until the day Magnus breathed his final immortal breath, he would fight. 

Because Alexander was more than worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long but I really do like it. I honestly didnt know how to end it at first because when I started it, I didnt have an ending in mind, I just got really inspired by the song, which you should listen to by the way! Over the Hill by Wax//Wane & Sleeping at Last. Anyway, if the ending feels a little weird that’s why. I couldnt figure out how to end it, and I might even add to it on my notes if I get inspired again. 
> 
> (also I just realized an author on here I’m a huge fan of bookmarked my last malec story??? If you love malec stuff, you should check out the user Aria_Lerendeair, they do amazing malec fics and I’ve read like almost every one of them, here’s a link:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair


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